So difficult sometimes
Some days it's so difficult writing about my time in Dominican Republic. At times writing or thinking about the country makes me more homesick and other times it makes me feel closer. Today is one of those days where I feel like I will never return to where I love and where I want to spend the rest of my life. It feels like I'm going to die here in this damn USA. Waisting away, getting fatter and more depressed as each day passes. It seems as if my life in DR is only a dream.
Did it really happen or was it only a long wonderful dream?
I don't know sometimes. But then it has to be real because if I thing real hard I can still feel some beer running down my throat and it seems I can still fell the warm sun on my back (and the sweat dampening my mustache..jejej..that is a joke mind you). I can smell the chicherones sometimes when a certain type of wood is burning in the stove here. I can imagine being with me friends and walking the streets with my dog, Sniffy.
I want to go home so much that sometimes it feels that my heart is filled up with something, I can't explain the feeling. It just feels like my insides are full. Like its a heavy heart feeling. Its not even the same missing feeling I get when I think of my son, Billy Jay. Missing him is a lonely feeling and a happy one when I remember all about him. I think the difference is I know Billy Jay will never return. But I know Dominican Republic is still there, waiting for me to come back.
I hope I make sense. But then, I usually don't.
Sorry if I am depressing today. Tomorrow is another day.
Did it really happen or was it only a long wonderful dream?
I don't know sometimes. But then it has to be real because if I thing real hard I can still feel some beer running down my throat and it seems I can still fell the warm sun on my back (and the sweat dampening my mustache..jejej..that is a joke mind you). I can smell the chicherones sometimes when a certain type of wood is burning in the stove here. I can imagine being with me friends and walking the streets with my dog, Sniffy.
I want to go home so much that sometimes it feels that my heart is filled up with something, I can't explain the feeling. It just feels like my insides are full. Like its a heavy heart feeling. Its not even the same missing feeling I get when I think of my son, Billy Jay. Missing him is a lonely feeling and a happy one when I remember all about him. I think the difference is I know Billy Jay will never return. But I know Dominican Republic is still there, waiting for me to come back.
I hope I make sense. But then, I usually don't.
Sorry if I am depressing today. Tomorrow is another day.
posted by Janette at Tuesday, January 17, 2006
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